How Freeing Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero-One From The Borg Collective Provoked a Constitutional Crisis On 21st-Century Earth
... or ...
Bait for the "Birther"-debunkers
by Robert Jay March
Actress Jeri Ryan, best known to the American public as "Seven of Nine" on the series "Star Trek -- Voyager," is responsible for the whole mess. No, I haven't taken leave of my senses ... not yet anyway ... as the following narrative will show.
In 1990, then-Jeri Lynn Zimmermann met future political candidate Jack Ryan, married him on June 15, 1991, and ultimately divorced him on August 27, 1999. When Jack Ryan was running for the Senate on the Republican ticket in 2004, WLS-TV, the Chicago ABC affiliate, sought to have his divorce and child custody records released. In print, if it bleeds it leads; on TV, if it skewers, it attracts viewers.
When the custody records were released after a protracted court battle, it was revealed that Jack Ryan had repeatedly asked, begged and cajoled Jeri to perform sexual acts in public in various sex clubs. Ms. Ryan described one of these clubs as "a bizarre club with cages, whips and other apparatus hanging from the ceiling." Obviously not a "family values" kind of guy, Jack Ryan's poll numbers were plummeting faster than an ejected warp-core falling into a black hole. He was force to withdraw from the race, and was replaced by Alan Keyes, who lost to ... wait for it ... Barack Obama!
Barack Obama's very first act as "President" made it illegal to release any of his records. "EXECUTIVE ORDER 13489 -- PRESIDENTIAL RECORDS," signed by Barack Obama on January 21, 2009, begins as follows: "By the authority vested in me as President by the Constitution and the laws of the United States of America ..."
As I have said over and over and over again, if there is nothing to hide, why hide it? Yet, the very first thing he did as alleged-President was sign an Executive Order that locks all of his records -- including his personal ones -- away from public view. This leaves us in a legal mobius loop: If his personal records prove that he is ineligible, then he is not President, and the Executive Order is null and void, but in order to prove that he is ineligible, one must have access to his personal records. Quoting the eminent philosopher Homer Simpson,
"DOH!"
It is interesting to note that, in the private sector, Obama was employed by the law firm of Miner, Barnhill & Galland, which describes itself as "one of the best-known and most experienced firms in the country in large-scale voting rights cases." As such, they have done extensive Constitutional research, such as that cited in a case wherein Obama was one of the lawyers representing ACORN, ACORN V. EDGAR.
It is rumored that Miner, Barnhill & Galland also researched ways and means of getting around Article II Section 1 of the Constitution ("No person except a natural born Citizen, or a Citizen of the United States, at the time of the Adoption of this Constitution, shall be eligible to the Office of President...") Now, read that Executive Order again.
If only Jeri had let her hubby get his freak on, the nation may have been spared all of this; but nooooooo, she left us with a typically-Republican sex scandal (two straight people and no sex) which ultimately led to a Constitutionally unqualified man being elected President.
By now, many of you are asking yourselves why I even bothered to write about this. Simple: half the country believes that Obama is not legally qualified, and the other half simply has not looked at the evidence, assuming we're all nuts, racists, or both.
Those people won't be able to resist reading this article: It embarrasses Republicans, it involves science fiction, has sex, intrigue, and a gorgeous woman whose talents let her rise to the top (or vice versa). They'll pass this around as evidence that the "Birthers" have finally lost it; and, a very few of them will be intrigued enough to actually check the facts, just as I did when I did not believe it, and realize that we're right.
Resistance is futile. It just takes a while.
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